The Myth of Endless Grit: Redefining Resilience for Leaders
The Myth of Endless Grit: Redefining Resilience for Leaders
Why toughness alone is not enough — and how trauma-informed leadership reframes resilience as transformation
By Krista Fee, Founder of the RISEUP Phoenix Trauma and Crisis Institute
As a trauma-informed leadership practitioner, my purpose is to help leaders understand the unseen forces that shape their decisions, their organizations, and their legacies. I write and speak to those standing in the fires of leadership: executives, educators, first responders, nonprofit directors, and parents alike, who feel the weight of responsibility. Too often, we’ve been taught that leadership means grit: pushing harder, sleeping less, never showing weakness. But what if that narrative is not resilience at all? What if the truth is far more complex, more costly, and ultimately more life-giving?
This article expands on Episode 13 of my RISEUP Voices From the Frontlines podcast: The Myth of Endless Grit.
The Seduction of Toughness
For much of the 20th century, leadership resilience was equated with toughness. The heroes were those who could endure sleepless nights, never falter under pressure, and maintain composure, no matter the personal cost. This story of grit was seductive. It appealed to our admiration for strength, perseverance, and sacrifice.
But grit without recovery is not resilience. It’s depletion with better marketing.
A CEO’s Collapse
I once consulted with a CEO who proudly boasted he survived on four hours of sleep a night. For years, colleagues admired his stamina and praised his dedication. But eventually, his decision-making faltered. He became irritable, started missing details, and suffered a stress-induced heart event that nearly killed him.
The myth of grit had made him look unstoppable, until it stopped him. His story is not unusual. Across industries, leaders burn out while trying to prove their toughness.
How Culture Misreads “Grit”
Angela Duckworth’s groundbreaking research on grit defined it as passion and perseverance tethered to purpose. But the popular retelling stripped away the nuance. Grit became relentless striving. Just push harder. Just endure longer. If you collapse, it means you’re weak.
But neuroscience tells us a different story: unrelenting stress hijacks the nervous system. Without cycles of rest and renewal, leaders become brittle rather than resilient.
The Neuroscience of Stress and Recovery
Short bursts of stress aren’t harmful; in fact, they sharpen focus and mobilize energy. However, chronic stress locks the nervous system into a state of survival mode (fight, flight, or freeze). Research shows that:
The hippocampus, responsible for memory and learning, shrinks under prolonged stress.
The prefrontal cortex, crucial for decision-making, goes offline.
The immune system weakens, leaving the body vulnerable.
Leaders who grind endlessly don’t get stronger. They break down.
History’s Lesson: Churchill’s Naps
Winston Churchill is often remembered as a tireless wartime leader. However, what people often forget is his insistence on taking afternoon naps. He famously said, “Nature has not intended man to work from eight in the morning until midnight.” His discipline of rest sustained his capacity to lead Britain through years of war.
Resilience isn’t about endless toughness. It is impossible without recovery.
Modern Stories From the Frontlines
I once met a firefighter who went 72 hours without sleep during wildfire season. He thought resilience meant never stopping. On the third day, he collapsed behind the wheel of his truck, barely avoiding tragedy. Later, he admitted, “I thought resilience meant never stopping. Now I realize resilience means knowing when to stop.”
First responders understand grit. But the ones who last understand recovery too.
The Phoenix as Model
The phoenix does not endure fire unchanged. It collapses, burns, and is reduced to ashes. And only then does it rise; different, transformed.
This ancient image reminds us: resilience is not about surviving unscathed. It is about rising new.
The Shadow Side of Endless Grit
Leaders who cling to toughness transmit exhaustion to their organizations. They confuse urgency with vision and stubbornness with strength. Unhealed trauma often hides behind endless grind: If I never stop, I never have to feel. But the body always keeps score. Leaders who refuse recovery scorch not only themselves but everyone around them. As leaders, it's essential to be an example of going for it with intensity and resting with integrity.
Resilience as Recovery and Growth
Resilience requires recovery: sleep, exercise, prayer or meditation, and restorative relationships. These aren’t luxuries; they are leadership imperatives. For those in the back who still aren't hearing me. Rest is not optional, and it goes beyond physical sleep; it's body, mind, and spirit rest that's needed.
Resilience also requires growth. Psychologists Tedeschi and Calhoun call this post-traumatic growth — the ability to emerge from struggle with deeper empathy, sharper wisdom, and renewed purpose. The phoenix rises differently because of the fire, not in spite of it.
Embracing the Shadow
True resilience does not deny pain or exile wounds. It faces them. It integrates them. Leaders must allow the fire to strip away illusions, bitterness, and fear, so that what rises is not hardened avoidance but authentic strength.
Practical Anchors for Leaders
Schedule recovery as seriously as meetings.
Ask yourself: Am I pushing from vision or from fear?
Practice micro-recoveries throughout the day: breathe, be still, and be present.
Surround yourself with truth-tellers who remind you that rest is not weakness.
Reflection
I’ve lived the myth of grit myself. I have drowned in perfectionism, overscheduling, project overload, pushing harder, sleeping less, and trying to prove strength by refusing to bend. I still drift back to this pattern time and time again. Every time, the fire strips me down until I have no choice but to rise differently.
Resilience isn’t about avoiding the flames. It’s about trusting that the ashes can give rise to something new.
Call to Action
If this conversation resonated with you, don’t stop here.
👉Book a call with me to explore how Trauma-Informed Leadership training can transform your leadership, your organization, and your community.
Be sure to join the Trauma-Informed Leadership Course and Community, where we delve deeper into practical tools, neuroscience, and real-world applications.
