The Energy of Relationships: Stop Chasing and Let Him Lead.

The Power Play: Masculine vs. Feminine Energy in Love

In the dance of relationships, energy is everything. Not just the "I love you" kind of energy, but the deep, unseen forces that shape the entire dynamic between two people. I know some of you are going to come at me for making this suggestion..and that's ok. I've helped hundreds of couples doing this and similar dances with power dynamics.

We all carry both masculine and feminine energy within us, but when a woman leans too far into her masculine—leading, controlling, fixing, directing—she unknowingly pushes her partner into a more feminine or avoidant space. The result? An unbalanced power struggle that fuels the chase-withdraw cycle.

Women, especially those who’ve been through trauma, betrayal, or heartbreak, often develop strong masculine energy as a defense mechanism. It’s protective, it’s powerful—but it can also be the very thing that keeps love at arm’s length.

Let’s break down this energy imbalance and how it creates a cycle that leaves both partners feeling unfulfilled.

The Chase and Withdraw Cycle: Love vs. Freedom

If you’ve ever been stuck in a relationship where you’re the one constantly pushing for connection while the other person is always pulling away, you’re likely experiencing the anxious-avoidant dance. We can talk about this using a few different relational energetic models so whether you are a fan of attachment theory or other models the basic principle and outcomes is the same!

This cycle happens when:

• One person (usually the anxiously attached, masculine-energy partner) chases, seeking love, validation, and closeness. (Notice the flip creating polarization here)

• The other person (avoidantly attached, feminine-energy, or freedom-seeking) withdraws, feeling suffocated by the intensity of the chase. Notice the flip creating polarization here)

The more one chases, the more the other runs. The more the other runs, the more the chaser panics. It’s exhausting. And yet, so many couples find themselves stuck in this emotional tug-of-war. This is what happens when magnets get turned around and instead of attracting and complimenting each other the polarity gets reversed and they now repel each other.

Why Women in Their Masculine Get Stuck in This Cycle

Women who’ve spent years being independent, taking charge, and "handling it all" often fall into the masculine role in their relationships. Society celebrates these women as "strong," "boss babes," and "resilient"—and while all of that is true, if left unchecked, it can create deep relational struggles.

Here’s how it plays out:

🔥 She takes the lead. She plans the dates, makes the decisions, and starts "fixing" problems before her partner even notices them.

🔥 She takes control. She believes if she doesn’t take charge, things will fall apart. Her partner feels micromanaged, unneeded, or passive.

🔥 He withdraws. Feeling like there’s no space for his own masculine energy, he steps back. He disengages, becomes avoidant, or stops initiating.

🔥 She chases harder. The more he pulls away, the more she tries to bring him back. She might talk more, over-explain, or push for deeper emotional conversations.

🔥 He resists more. Feeling pressured, he seeks freedom—through distance, distractions, or emotional shutdown.

🔥 She burns out. Eventually, she feels exhausted from doing all the emotional labor and starts resenting him for not "showing up" the way she wants.

And just like that, love turns into a battlefield instead of a partnership.

Seeking Love vs. Seeking Freedom

At its core, relationships struggle when one partner is seeking love and the other is seeking freedom.

• Feminine energy seeks love, connection, and closeness.

• Masculine energy seeks purpose, freedom, and space.

When a woman over-identifies with her masculine, she unknowingly disrupts this natural flow—causing him to instinctively withdraw to reclaim his freedom.

But here’s the catch:

When she softens into her true feminine energy—receptive, trusting, and radiant—she naturally pulls him toward her without needing to chase.

This doesn’t mean she becomes weak, passive, or powerless. Feminine energy is powerful—but in a completely different way than masculine energy.

How to Break the Cycle & Reset the Energy

If you’re stuck in this chase-withdraw cycle, the good news is—it’s fixable.

1️⃣ Stop Leading in Love – If you’re always the one initiating conversations, making plans, and driving emotional check-ins, pause. Let him step in. If he doesn’t, that’s your answer. Have patience this may take some time and adjustment. He may even resist the changes at first, or not trust them.

2️⃣ Shift from Control to Trust – Trust is the key to feminine energy. When you let go of the need to fix or lead, you give space for the relationship to breathe. Trust is the foundation of everything and it's easier to trust when we come from a strong and confident sense of self that believes fully "I want you, I don't need you." This energy of comfort in oneself takes much of the pressure off to chase.

3️⃣ Speak from Feeling, Not Force – Instead of saying, “Why don’t you ever open up?” try, “I feel disconnected from you and I miss you.” This invites instead of pressures. Becoming a safe place for his emotions where he doesn't feel punished when he does open up is crucial to this phase.

4️⃣ Own Your Worth Without Over-Giving – Love is about being, not doing. You don’t have to prove your worth by over-giving or over-functioning. This is a delicate balance between generosity and sharing while allowing and receiving. There is a natural reciprocity that comes with great relationship. It's when this reciprocity isn't flowing naturally that resistance and friction occur.

5️⃣ Lean Back, Let Him Step Forward – If you always chase, you’ll never know if he was going to come closer on his own. Pull your energy back and see if he naturally leans in. This is another place where you may need to have some patience as he may be used to the old song and dance.

RISEUP & Redefine Love

At RISEUP, we help men and women reset their relationship energy—not by changing who they are, but by realigning with their true power.

✅ Reclaim your energy
✅ Break free from toxic cycles
✅ Step into love with confidence, ease, and grace

When you shift, the relationship shifts. Because love, at its core, is not about chasing—it’s about attracting.

Are you ready to reset your relationship energy? Let’s RISEUP. 🔥💫